I Don't Know Where To Start... (A Rant)

Hi everyone! So, I'm a senior this year, and to tell you the truth I don't know where to start. I want to go to college and further my education but I also just want to live. Taking time away from everything. If I could, I would be in a void with no worries about anything. Today (8/3/21) I was looking for scholarships to apply to, and I got overwhelmed. I’m scared! I’ve always dreamt of going to college but the thought of not making it scares me. I mean I do want to take a year off, work a little, maybe travel the world. Maybe, I want to go to college and have new experiences. I feel like I don't know where to start. If I did, it would be ten times easier. Maybe, I'll travel abroad to Paris or Japan. Of course, life isn’t easy. I wish I could tell my parents, but I stop myself because I don't like the feeling of burying people. You know? Anyways, thanks for letting me vent today. Thanks for reading! Bye, everyone! See you next week :))

(P.S. sorry if this is short but I wanted to share some thoughts I wrote down while in class).